October is recognised globally as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.
This story contains references to themes of miscarriage and loss which some people may find distressing.
Tei and Ken endured the heartbreak of numerous miscarriages and the devastating loss of their premature son. Grateful for the healthcare team for their care and support during a distressing time, they donate to NICU in their son’s memory.
Unbearable loss as they try and start a family
Tei and her husband Ken both originated from Tokyo, Japan and met at university in Sydney over 10 years ago. After a few years of marriage and establishing their careers, they decided to start a family.
They were ecstatic when they found out they were pregnant, however it was an ectopic pregnancy, where the fertilised egg was growing inside the fallopian tube instead of the uterus. Tei needed emergency surgery to not only remove the foetus but one of her fallopian tubes as well.
It was a lovely surprise for Tei and Ken when they became pregnant again a few months later. The pregnancy advanced normally until Tei experienced premature labour at 26 weeks and was admitted to Royal North Shore Hospital (RNSH) to try to suppress labour. She was understandably scared as she knew it was too early for her baby to be born.
A week after delaying labour, baby Kento was born following an emergency Caesarean section as the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck causing foetal distress.
Kento weighed just 1.09kgs and Tei says while he was small, she was relieved to be told he was healthy. He went to Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) to receive specialised care where she was advised he needed to stay for three months until he was considered full term and thriving without medical intervention before he was allowed to go home.
The healthcare staff in NICU continuously monitored Kento and besides support with extra oxygen and a feeding tube, there were no initial concerns.
Every day Tei and Ken deepened their bond with Kento with lots of gentle cuddles and skin-to-skin contact.
A week later their worst nightmare unfolded before their eyes. Tei made her usual morning visit to see Kento, but he was surrounded by doctors and nurses. “I couldn’t see him because there were so many people around his crib,” said Tei. “All I could do was watch them working on him and I was panicking that something was wrong with my baby.”
Ken rushed to the hospital to be with his family. A doctor explained that Kento had an infection, his heart rate was decreasing, and he was struggling to survive. His heart-broken parents anxiously watched Kento courageously fight the infection throughout the day. When doctors commenced compressions on Kento’s tiny chest, Tei and Ken asked them to stop.
Tei sadly said Kento’s infection was very unexpected and that everyone in NICU tried everything they could to save him.
“When the nurses removed all the tubes and stickers, we were able to see his face properly for the first time. He was just beautiful,” Tei proudly says.
Heartbroken over the premature loss of their newborn son
With the support and guidance of the NICU nursing staff at RNSH, Kento’s loving parents spent a few hours bathing and cuddling their son. The staff helped them through the documentation process as well as connecting them to a social worker to help the bereaved parents through this distressing and overwhelming time. The staff ensured the parents didn’t leave the hospital with empty arms and were able to take Kento home to spend meaningful time with their son.
The hospital social worker checked in on Ken and Tei several times following discharge. It was during a follow up meeting that the doctors explained why Kento passed away. As he was a premature baby, he had a less developed immune system and fewer antibodies than a full-term baby. While the healthcare staff did all they could for Kento, he was born too early and didn’t have any built-up defences to fight the infection.
The death of a baby is one of the most traumatic experiences any parent could go through and understandably Tei couldn’t talk about her son for many months. Tei says her husband was strong for them both and believes that talking about Kento is healthy and helps process the loss.
Tei is grateful that Ken kept the memory of their son alive by talking about him. At first, when people asked Tei if she had any children, she found it too sad to answer so she would say no, however her husband would always say that they had a baby, but he passed away.
Heartbroken Tei and Ken remember Kento as a fighter and while they were devastated at their loss, they are incredibly grateful for the care and support they received in their short time in NICU.
“I wanted to support NICU because of how they supported us, and our son,” said Tei. “I wanted to say thank you and show our appreciation, so I started to donate to NICU on behalf of my son.”
Tei unfortunately suffered two further miscarriages in her first trimester before they decided to embark on the fertility journey through in vitro fertilisation (IVF).
Baby Emma helps to heal the premature loss of Kento
They were elated when their daughter Emma was born healthy at 35 weeks but the memories of losing Kento heightened their concerns for her health. Fortunately, Emma only required two weeks in the special care unit before she was allowed home.
Every time Tei looks at Emma, she is reminded of Kento, and there are times she feels afraid of losing her. Kento, she says, taught them the value of life and how fortunate parents are if they can hug and kiss their babies every day.
If you would like to donate in memory of a loved one and leave a beautiful legacy like Tei has on behalf of her son, please contact the NORTH Foundation or make a tax-deductible donation here.
